The longer story of how all this came about…
If you had met me in back in 2008, you would have thought I was a huge success story. As an expert business consultant, I was masterful at helping others find success and I was rewarded for it. I was traveling the world, had a six figure income, Louis Vuitton luggage, my own home, and a confident exterior. But that wasn’t the whole story.
The truth was, I was in a long term relationship with a man who constantly cheated on me, I was lonely and depressed. I felt unlovable and I used alcohol and food to fill a void. No one knew what was really going on because I knew how to pretend to be “awesome” and put on a happy face. I was the consummate people pleasing overachiever. But no amount of success was enough, because somehow, I always felt like I was falling short. I was never enough. I would lay my head on my pillow at night and wonder “Is this life? Is this really all there is?” All I ever really wanted but never felt like I had was LOVE.
It all came to a head in 2009, when I lost my big money consulting gig, ended my relationship and moved back home to my fathers house. I was 35, heartbroken, alone, and desperate to change. I felt like I had wasted enough time and it was now or never to get my shit together…authentically. No more pretending. No more faking it.
And so, I began the journey to my own version of Happily Ever After. I had to overcome a lot of problems that were keeping me stuck.
- I had issues around trying to be perfect all of time.
- I was totally self destructive.
- I was a binger of alcohol and food.
- I didn’t truly love myself.
- I didn’t trust anyone.
- I didn’t know how to get my needs met without feeling needy or guilty.
- I didn’t know how to speak up for myself in a way that wasn’t aggressive or passive aggressive.
- I was living in the hurt of past relationships and resentful about the love I thought I never got.
When I was trying to heal myself, I found that I didn’t line up with traditional methods. So, where there wasn’t a way for me-I made one. And that’s how I created the 7 Vows. I made a PROMISE to love myself. They were born our of necessity. These vows changed my life. And, since I started teaching them, have changed the lives of hundreds of others.
Today, I’m a wife to my beloved husband Dug who cherishes and adores me and mom to our beautiful daughter. I’m a joyful non-drinker. I’m an Author, Master Relationship Coach, an addiction professional and I teach several weekly classes at one of the world’s leading drug and alcohol treatment centers on self love, self-esteem, healthy relationships, and family issues. My Husband and I created an online family program for people who have addicted loved ones. And together, we host breakthrough seminars. For the past several years, I’ve helped change the lives of hundreds of people using a one on one coaching method I created called The Rapid Transformation Method (RTM)I have an online coaching program called Love Yourself First which is designed for women (and men) who want to improve their worthiness, self- esteem and relationships. I’m the Author of two books, The Sober Girls Guide to Finding True Love and The Seven Vows: How I broke up with binging on food, alcohol, and bad men and created my Happily Ever After. I am enough. I am loved. I’m authentically happy and fulfilled. And now, It’s my mission, my joy, and my purpose to light your way to your Happily Ever After. I have cleared a path for you. Let’s begin!
What I do…
Heidi Rain McGuirk, MCC, MNLP, expert life and relationship coaching for people who are impacted by addiction.
How many times have you tried to break up with what’s not working for you and why do you keep going back?
You settle. You know you’re not being treated right, but you stay. And you hope things will get better. But they don’t.
You’re unhappy. You aren’t fulfilled. You want somthing MORE for your life than what you’re tolerating. You know you deserve better. But your actions don’t line up with that.
You self-sabotage or pick the wrong people.
Your relationships are unhealthy, destructive, one sided, or hurtful.
You’re exhausted. You get tired of running to everyone else’s rescue. People Pleasing. Taking care of everyone else and being last on the list.
You’re lonely. You might be single or you might be married. But you still feel the same way: alone.
You currently engage in some form of numbing, running, or self destructive behavior
You’re trying to prove your value.
How would your life change if you actually learned to Love Yourself First?
You would stop settling for what’s not working!
You would feel fully supported and have mutually beneficial relationships
You would be yourself. Fully. without apologies. Not who you think you need to be.
You’d stop trying to prove your worth
You would walk away from what doesn’t serve you, without apologizing or feeling guilty, or dragging your feet.
You’d have genuine confidence to pull the trigger on your dream
You’d finally put yourself first without feeling guilty about it
You’d forgive. Let go. Move on. EVOLVE
You’d be FREE and in total control of your life
You would attract the right relationship.
You’d finally love your life. For real!
I’m sure you’ve heard it said before…
“You have to learn to love yourself before you can love other people”.
But what does that REALLY mean?
How do you Love Yourself First?
That’s a question I asked myself 8 years ago when I was a binge drinker with an eating disorder who had “success” but not love. When I was trying to recover, traditional methods didn’t line up with me. So, true to form, where there wasn’t a way…I MADE ONE. I Knew that the most important relationship was the one I had with myself. And if I healed that, I could change everything else. That’s how the LYF program came to be. It’s actually 7 self love vows that I took, like a woman who wanted to marry herself. I found that when I practiced these vows, everything else transformed and healed itself. Then, 7 years ago, I started teaching The 7 Vows to other people. And their lives transformed too. Today, I teach these concepts in many forms… from books, to one on one coaching, to workshops. Please have a look around. And when you’re ready to take the vows, I’m here to help you!
I was lying in bed, 8 months pregnant and I was weeping.
Would I be a good Mom?
Would I fuck here up emotionally? Mentally?
Would I be able to know what she needed?
Would I be able to give her what she needed?
And then I sat up and grabbed the journal I had been keeping for her. I started it when I found out I was pregnant and I had been writing to her every week. But this time, I wrote to God instead.
The truth is, I can’t do this by simply loving my daughter. Because my daughter is going to learn how to love herself by watching how I love myself.
She’s watching me. She’s looking to me to see how he should feel about herself. But she won’t just see her the way I see her. She’ll see herself the way I see MYSELF.
She’ll listen intently to the things I say to myself. She’ll witness how I take care of myself. She’ll see the looks I give myself in the mirror and she’ll take her cues from me.
We don’t reproduce what we want. We reproduce who we are.
I want my daughter to witness a woman who authentically loves herself and treats herself well. I want her to see a woman who takes care of herself, fulfills her wants and needs and who doesn’t settle.
I want her to see a woman who loves and accepts herself. A woman who speaks her truth and goes after what she wants in life. Comfortable in her own skin.
And the truth is, that takes work. I have to be vigilant about taking care of myself, because, like you, I tend to put others first.
That’s the philosophy of the LYF Program.
It’s not about loving yourself first selfishly. It’s about loving yourself so you can love others the way you really want to. And in turn, helping them learn to love themselves too.