Who I help…
Heidi Rain McGuirk, MCC, MNLP, expert life and relationship coaching for people who are impacted by addiction.
If you struggle with unhealthy relationships with people, paces, or things, want to stop self-destructive behavior, or put an end to self sabotage….
If you had met me in back in 2008, you would have thought I was a huge success story. As an expert in the Dating and Matchmaking Industry. I was masterful at helping others find love and I was rewarded for it. I was traveling the world, had a six figure income, Louis Vuitton luggage, my own home and a confident exterior. But that wasn’t the whole story.
The truth was, I was in a long term relationship with a man who constantly cheated on me, I was lonely and depressed. I felt unlovable and I used alcohol and food to fill a void.
No one knew what was really going on because I knew how to pretend to be “awesome” and put on a happy face. I was the consummate people pleasing overachiever.
But no amount of success was enough, because somehow, I always felt like I was falling short. I was never enough. I would lay my head on my pillow at night and wonder “Is this life? Is this really all there is?”
All I ever really wanted but never felt like I had was LOVE.
It all came to a head in 2009, when I lost my big money job, ended my relationship and moved back home to my fathers house. I was 35, heartbroken, alone, and desperate to change. I felt like I had wasted enough time and it was now or never to get my shit together…authentically. No more pretending. No more faking it.
And so, I began the journey to Happily Ever After. I had to overcome a lot of problems that were keeping me stuck.
- I had issues around trying to be perfect all of time
- I didn’t feel worthy unless I was earning love somehow
- I didn’t trust anyone I didn’t know how to be vulnerable
- No one was meeting my expectations, including me
- I didn’t know how to get my needs met without feeling needy or guilty
- I didn’t know how to speak up for myself in a way that wasn’t aggressive or passive aggressive I was living in the hurt of past relationships
I knew deep down that the self-destructive behavior was due to a lack of self-love.
And I knew the solution for me was going to be Learning to Love Myself.
People had said that to me my whole life. “Heidi, you need to learn to love yourself.”
They told me because although I was successful in the traditional terms: money, house, “stuff”, I didn’t have what really mattered: LOVE.
My relationships sucked.
I didn’t have a healthy relationship with myself, others, food, or alcohol.
And can I tell you that every time someone said that to me, I got pissed!
I think I got so mad because even though I knew it was true, no one was really teaching HOW to freakin do it.
I’d only heard people spout off about long baths, manicures, and massages. To me, that was all band aids on flesh wounds. And it wasn’t going to cut it.
Besides, I did most of that stuff, and I still hated myself.
So, after some serious soul searching, I asked myself two questions.
1. What do I really want.
2. What am I no longer willing to tolerate in my life?
And out of those 2 questions, came my personal manifesto for self-love.
7 distinct vows emerged.
I call them my PROMISE Method.
And out of those vows, my Love Yourself First Program was born.
Once, I got sober from food and alcohol, I started teaching my self love strategies at one of the countries leading drug and alcohol treatment centers. And each month, I took hundreds of people through my process. And they experienced radical results.
And then, I thought…
What about the people who never come to treatment and the ones who won’t go to meetings?
What about the people who have tried many things and want something different?
What about the people who are ready to get to the next level?
For you, I hope this program is your answer.
You can experience this program by going through the digital online go-at-your-own-pace course, upgrading to a guided experience with personal one on one coaching, or attending my live Fall LYF Retreat, in Delray Beach ,Florida.
I also have online workshops that will benefit you.
I offer one on one coaching. This is done by applying.
And feel free to explore my book. The Sober Girls Guide to Finding True Love.
I would be honored to be your guide on your own sacred walk to wellness.
If you are in a relationship with an addict…
I truly don’t think there is anything more heart breaking, or maddening than being in a relationship with an addict or an alcoholic. It can feel like you’re in a war without weapons.
For the past several years, I have worked with hundreds of families during a Family Program I created with my Husband. Each month, we run the program and each month the same question comes up over and over again…
What’s the difference between helping and hurting?
This is the number one question asked by hundreds of families in the many years we’ve been working as addiction professionals.
And it’s a good one, because when you answer this question, you potentially help save a life.
I liken that question to “What’s the difference between a hero and an enabler?
Well. To start, a hero wants to save the day. He or she will go to any lengths for justice, wanting what’s right and good for everyone.
Heroes perform rescue missions. They go into dark or dangerous situations and shine light.
But even the best hero has a kryptonite.
Addiction acts as this to the hero. They end up feeling defeated when their super powers prove ineffective.
And then, there’s the enabler.
I liken this to a puppeteer. They are the ones, pulling the strings, making the impossible, possible. Essentially, enablers breathe life into the dead by keeping the act going.
- Enablers bail out the addict.
- They make excuses, accept justifications, or rationalizations.
- They keep the peace by minimizing or hiding the addiction.
- They pretend it’s not happening.
- They support the addiction by financing it.
- They continue to remove or soften consequences.
The one thing that heroes and enablers have in common is that they both feel responsible.
And that’s not a bad thing, especially when you know what you’re responsible for.
There’s nothing you did to create this. But there are things you may be doing that keep it going.
And once you know those things, you delineate the fine line between hero and enabler. And you finally know the difference between helping or hurting.
That’s exactly why we’ve created the Online Family Program: A comprehensive digital course to provide hope, help, and healing for those impacted by addiction.
I believe when you take this course, you will be educated, equipped, and empowered. There is also an option to receive one on one coaching to support you throughout your program.
I also offer one on one coaching.
Please check out my online workshops. I believe they will be very helpful.
If you grew up in addiction.
When you grow up in addiction there are some seriously stellar traits you develop.
For starters, you are an excellent people reader! You can smell bullshit a mile away. Sometimes, you can feel what people are thinking before they even open their mouth!
And you are endlessly compassionate! You are a helper, a hero, and a peacekeeper.
You’re likely an achiever too! You GET SHIT DONE!
But, there are also some not so great traits that can keep you from living your very best life.
You wait waaayyyy too long to get help. So, if you’re here, it’s likely the shit is finally hitting the fan. And even though you are excellent in functioning in chaos, even you have your breaking point.
By the time you seek help, you are imploding, exploding, on the brink, or running or numbing.
You settle. You know you’re not being treated right (in relationships, or at work) but you stay. And you hope things will get better. But they don’t.
You’re unhappy. You aren’t fulfilled. You want something MORE for your life than what you’re tolerating. You know you deserve better. But your actions don’t line up with that.
You control. You believe no one can do it the way you can do it. But you are overwhelmed and exhausted.
You self-sabotage or pick the wrong people.
You don’t trust a lot of people, you have walls. It’s hurting you in your intimate relationships.
Your relationships are unhealthy, destructive, one sided, or hurtful.
You’re exhausted. You get tired of running to everyone else’s rescue. People Pleasing. Taking care of everyone else and being last on the list.
You currently engage in some form of numbing, running, or self-destructive behavior
You’re trying to prove your value. When you walk away from what doesn’t serve you, You feel guilty or drag your feet.
You stay loyal too long or to the wrong people.
You’re the rock, the peacekeeper, or the hero. You have caseloads instead of friends.
You suffer from Perfectionism.
You pretend to be FINE. Suck it up Buttercup.
You constrict yourself. You play small when you know you can play bigger.
You seek validation and approval.
You constantly self-sacrifice. You’re last on the list.
This is exactly why I created the Love Yourself First Program. When you experience this program, you learn how to break free form all of these patterns and self defeating behaviors.
- You would stop settling for what’s not working!
- You would feel fully supported and have mutually beneficial relationships
- You would be yourself. Fully. without apologies. Not who you think you need to be.
- You’d stop trying to prove your worth You would walk away from what doesn’t serve you, without apologizing or feeling guilty, or dragging your feet.
- You’d have genuine confidence to pull the trigger on your dream
- You’d finally put yourself first without feeling guilty about it
- You’d forgive. Let go. Move on. EVOLVE
- You’d be FREE and in total control of your life You would attract the right relationships.
- You’d finally love your life. For real!
You can experience this program by going through the online, digital, go at your own pace course. Or you can upgrade to a guided experience with one on one coaching. Or you can attend my fall LYF Retreat in Delray Beach, Florida.
Please consider attending an online workshop.
Or apply to work with me one-on-one.
I’m sure you’ve heard it said before…
“You have to learn to love yourself before you can love other people”.
But what does that REALLY mean?
How do you Love Yourself First?
That’s a question I asked myself 8 years ago when I was a binge drinker with an eating disorder who had “success” but not love. When I was trying to recover, traditional methods didn’t line up with me. So, true to form, where there wasn’t a way…I MADE ONE. I Knew that the most important relationship was the one I had with myself. And if I healed that, I could change everything else. That’s how the LYF program came to be. It’s actually 7 self love vows that I took, like a woman who wanted to marry herself. I found that when I practiced these vows, everything else transformed and healed itself. Then, 7 years ago, I started teaching The 7 Vows to other people. And their lives transformed too. Today, I teach these concepts in many forms… from books, to one on one coaching, to workshops. Please have a look around. And when you’re ready, I’m here to help you!