Pretending Paula: the price we pay for being “fine”
How are you? Fine
How do you like your job? It’s fine.
How is your relationship? It’s fine.
There are acronyms for FINE. Frustrated Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. Feelings Inside Not Expressed. Or my favorite:
Feeling Inadequate, Needing Encouragement.
Basically, the woman who is “fine” is Pretending Paula. She always has a smile on her face. She looks put together. But inside, she’s a ticking time bomb.
I thought about being ‘FINE” the other day. I was standing at the DMV and we were there THREE HOURS. By we, I mean me and my toddler. She had been doing really well. Playing. Singing songs. And then, she wasn’t fine. And she doesn’t know how to pretend. She got super tired and needed sleep NOW!
She had a grade A melt down. She started freaking out! Everyone was STARING the “what the Hells the matter with your child?” death stare.
In that moment, because my Daughter wasn’t able to pretend to be fine, I was acutely aware of what she needed.
I looked around and said…”Alright everyone, listen up! I’m about to nurse her. So if that’s not something you want to see today, I suggest you turn around because it’s about to go down!”
Pretending Paula would have frozen. She would have stood there more concerned with what people were thinking than moving into action, sweaty, shushing and rocking inconsolable child, with a forced smile on her face. And if you asked her if she was ok, she would have lied that she was FINE! No, screw that, she was GREAT!
Why do we do this? Because you CAN . You can put a smile on your face when you are terrified. Or put a new shade of lipstick on and go out after your marriage suddenly ends. Or you can laugh at a co workers joke when you really feel like telling them to piss off. We do it because somewhere we learned that it’s not ok to complain. Looking good is more important. That strong women power through the uncomfortable. That we pick ourselves up. We use our “Bad ass boss babe lady balls”.
PS. I truly hate all of those stupid terms. And anything with balls in it totally drives me nuts. Why? because balls are actually very sensitive!
But these women don’t like to be called sensitive. They earned that that’s a sign of weakness. So, instead of sad, mad, or empty…they get to be fine.
And nothing changes until it implodes.
You are gifted with your sensitivity to remind you that your live is meant to be full of joy. Your dissatisfaction is a divine intervention nudging you towards the destiny of your life. Stop sushing it with a fake ass smile on your face!
Listen to it. Honor it. Turn dissatisfaction into discipline towards making change.
How about you? Can you relate to pretending Paula? Leave a comment, like and share.
Love to you!