When you first meet someone, you can get wrapped up in them. You might think about him all day long, wondering if he’s thinking of you and if he is, what he is thinking. It’s natural to want to make him happy. It’s easy to think more about him than you do about you. But when do you cross the line into being unhealthy?
I knew a girl who every time she got into a relationship, she disappeared. Her friends would be left wondering where she went. She wouldn’t do anything unless she was doing it with her boyfriend. She found herself dressing the way he liked her to and wearing her hair and makeup the way he preferred, and talking about the things he found most interesting.
She ate where he wanted to eat and she saw the movies he wanted to see.
Her friends would tell her she was losing herself.
But she couldn’t see that until the day they broke up.
Then, she looked around and couldn’t remember who she was. Her friends had moved on without her and she was left trying to figure out how to get back to her old self.
It’s unhealthy when you sacrifice yourself consistently for the preferences of another human being.
When you meet someone, you shouldn’t feel like you have to bend yourself into a more attractive version of you in order to stay attractive to him. Be you. Do you. Like what you like.
And if it differs from him, that’s ok. You are your own person with your own set of preferences.
If you find yourself bending to be more of who you think he will love, you will always be bending. And unless you’re Gumby, that can eventually be pretty painful.
When you love someone, you shouldn’t smother them.
Relationships are like people, they need air to survive. Give each other some breathing room.
That breathing room is where you retain the space to be yourself. Do the things you love to do. Keep your friendships. Do the things you want to do.