What happens when you walk through your relationship life believing you can’t trust men?
“Any minute now this guy is going to show me his true colors.”
“Sure, he seems all nice now, that’s just because he wants sex.”
“Any day now, the other shoe is going to drop with this guy!”
Do you find yourself saying things like this?
When women don’t trust men, it can show up in a multitude of ways. One way, of course, is isolating. Why? It’s easier to stay alone than risk being let down.
How does it show up in your relationships when you don’t trust men?
It usually shows up in one of two ways.
- You are a tester
- You keep emotional distance
If you’re a tester, you find yourself pushing buttons. You will basically do whatever you have to do to get this guy to “crack”, meaning- show you his true colors. So, you constantly try to poke and prod him to see how he will handle it.
If you are an emotional distancer, you will keep an emotional buffer between you and him. You will get close, but not too close. You may even choose men you are less attracted to so you don’t get too caught up.
So, what makes you trust someone?
Immediately when I ask this, most people say, “Integrity. People keep their word.”
I can be a person who always does what I say I’m going to do. I can be excellent at keeping my word. But if my word is I’m leaving you and I do it, you don’t trust me.
Other say, “Responsibility. They are committed.” Well, I can agree to only be responsible for myself and leave you feeling totally unsupported. And you won’t trust me.
Then, someone will say, “Realness. Authenticity. They are honest about who they are.”
It can’t be that either because I could be honest about being as ass hole, be an ass hole, tell you I told you so and you still won’t trust me.
People trust for one main reason: aligned mission. The mission? We both have each other’s best interest at heart. You may hurt me, but I am going to assume it wasn’t on purpose.
When I know you have my best interest at heart, I trust you. It’s that simple.
And the main reason you choose men you can’t trust is because you don’t have your own best interest at heart.
How many times have you let yourself down? How many times have you lied to yourself?
More than likely, you have built an incredible amount of negative trust. You trust yourself to do the wrong thing. You trust yourself not to have your best interest at heart.
So, it’s going to take you consistently proving to yourself that you can count on you before you can learn to count on anyone else.
Do you have your own best interest at heart?
Work on that, and you will attract men you can trust.
I love you,