Is he afraid of getting hurt or does he just want your vagina?

My girlfriend’s dating. Actually, she’s Tindering. Which is hardly dating. She’s swiping and getting swiped. And she’s texting with one man in particular. They haven’t gone out yet. Mostly because he only asks her to come over to his house for some Netflix and drinks.

She keeps telling him that she’s not going to come over because she’s not going to have sex with him. But if he’s willing to take her out to dinner, she’s gung ho.

I kept wondering why she continued to give this guy the time of day. And then she explained.“I texted him the other day and I said, “Look, I know why you’re just wanting to have sex and not asking me out. It’s because you’re afraid of being vulnerable because you don’t want to get hurt.” And he texted back saying…”Maybe.”

I almost choked on my coffee as I shouted “Bullshit!”

This is the problem with men and women when they’re dating and why they end up in unfulfilling, one sided relationships.

Man shows woman where his interest lies…when he only suggests bedding her as the date.

Woman refuses to see this and assumes it must be a deep embedded psychological problem that she needs to help him overcome.

Man sees this as an opportunity to play along to bed her. Beds her, and still never makes it to dinner.

People are not that complicated. They are always showing us who they are, what they value, how they operate. But we complicate our relationships with people by refusing to see them for who they are.

Let’s pretend he was a guy who was just interested in her vagina. And she accepted that. Now what? Now she can decide if she wants to share that part of herself with him knowing he’s not interested in anything else north of the border.

Then, she’s empowered. Not confused.

She’s in control, not trying to manipulate or convince another human being of her value.

She doesn’t strategize how to get him over his imaginary problem. She decides if what he’s willing to offer or take from her is enough.

And there was another problem here. She was looking at his unwillingness to take her out as a challenge to be overcome. It triggered her rejection chip and put her into full blown “win him over mode”.

It’s not your job to win over people. It’s to find the people who are already convinced of your awesomeness and who are willing and eager to be a part of it.

“When people show who you who they are, believe them the first time” Said the great Maya Angelou.

If you know a sister who needs this wakeup call…please share.

Let me be the bad guy. Ring Ring!

I love you!

Heidi

 

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