Breaking Up: 7 Strategies to end it for Good – 7. Pretend They’re Dead

OMG. Have I lost my mind? How morbid! How terrible! How final!

Yes. Exactly.

Now my love, you have a chance to morn the loss and move on.

The reason we don’t heal is that we don’t grieve, because you can’t grieve what’s still alive.

So, if the relationship is dead, you can burry it and mourn the loss.

And yes, you will be tempted to resurrect it.

But think about that movie Pet Cemetery. We all know what happened when Gage came back to life.

I couldn’t stand in front of my bed with my heels facing under for an entire year.

Nothing good comes back from the dead except Jesus. And you and I know your ex didn’t walk on water.

So, “ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to morn the loss of the idea that this relationship was going to be last forever.”

Watch the video to hear the people say Amen.

I hope you have found this series helpful

And if you still need help, let’s work together. Send me an email and let’s chat.

Love you,


Breaking Up: 7 Strategies to end it for Good – 6. Understand Your Cravings

You never really want the Oreo.

It’s true. You may think you desperately have an Oreo shortage in your belly and need to fill it up immediately. But the Oreo is a metaphor for the real sweetness you crave.

Both Dr. Anita Johnston and Geneen Roth have done tremendous work with understanding food as a metaphor for your real needs. And I believe the same is true for anything or anyone you happen to crave.

Think of the one you miss.

You are not missing them.

You are missing the thing you are void of in your life now. Good sex? Intimacy? Good conversation? Witty banter? Fun?

In this quick clip, expand your understanding of this concept.

Breaking Up: 7 Strategies to end it for Good – 5. Keep On Keeping On

Very few people in the world make a true decision to change. They make attempts, a loose promise to “see how it goes.”

I tried to break up many times before I decided to break up.

When you decide something, you cut yourself off from any other possibility. There is no going back.

As Tony Robbins says, “When you make a true decision to storm the island you burn the boats.”

You don’t give yourself an out.

I have applied this philosophy to my life many times. The morning I decided to quit drinking was a moment I made a TRUE decision.

And I’ve never looked back.

I know it can be tempting to leave your options open.

So, instead of “breaking up” you “take a break.”

You and I both know that doesn’t work. In a relationship you must be in or you must be out, but you cannot be in and out.

So, making the decision once is what it takes. Of course, you will need to manage the decision you’ve made daily, as our friend John Maxwell says.

And that means you manage the ups and downs, you see what’s working and not working, and you continue to flex in the way you approach managing your emotions around staying broken up.

Go on and watch the video or more clarity.


Breaking Up: 7 Strategies to end it for Good – 4. Accept Reality



4. Accept Reality

When I was a volunteer for Tony Robbins Events, I always crewed the fireteam.

It was, in my opinion, the hardest job possible. The Fireteam is responsible for building all the fire lanes that the participants storm across to have their breakthrough.

It’s hot! It’s uncomfortable. And you are doing manual labor for 24 hours straight.

The first time I crewed, I huddled up with the rest of the volunteers around the fire captain who was about to make his big empowerment speech. I got ready to hear, “This is the most impactful experience you will ever have.”. “This will be the best experience of your life!” Ans instead, he said, “Embrace the suck.”

“Huh? Come again?”

“Embrace the suck.”

You see, here’s the thing. When you expect something to be anything other than what it really is, you run into trouble, known as disappointment, frustration, and anger.

But if I know I’m crewing the fireteam, and it’s going to be hot and tiring, and sucky, than I am not disappointed or angry. In fact, I am happy, because my experience matches the level of my expectations.

When we break up, we don’t embrace the pain. We medicate it, numb it, or rush to fix it with a quick Facebook stalk.

But if you’re willing to sit in the pain, it will burn off like the sun in the absence of resistance.