I call it the shredder with my clients.
It can about be a decision about leaving a job, taking back an ex, or even sending an email. The process is the same.
- Think about new decision.
- Begin mental torture by scrutinizing and agonizing over every detail. Consider 50 possible outcomes
- Make decision
- Immediately second guess decision
- Begin mental masturbation round 2, intensified.
- Become overwhelmed.
- Fuck it and do nothing
- Judge Procrastination. Feel like shit about self.
- Cope by eating, sleeping, buying on Amazon, or focus on other’s problems.
- Feel Guilty. Beat the crap out of yourself for that. Decide you are a loser.
- Start back at step 1
What in the actual F?
I never wanted to feel like I was making a mistake. I wanted to be SURE that what I was doing was the absolute right thing!
So, in order to do that, I relied on my state of the art, finely tuned “PSYCHO-logical shredder”. It lived in my mind and reigned as the CPO: Chief Protective Officer.
It stood guard against any possible unfavorable outcome. And it had 2 jobs.
- Make sure I didn’t make a mistake
- Make sure I didn’t look like an idiot
It also had a 3rd function.
Many times, the “shredder” was wrong, and I ended up looking dumb, getting dicked or duped, or devastated, and then the 3rd function kicked into … Shouda Shred Mode.
Shoulda Shredder Mode’s superpower is Hindsight. And its responsibility is to produce shame and judgement, so I don’t do that again.
I had a love hate relationship with my shredder.
Early on in life, it helped me make sense of a lot of things that didn’t add up. I needed to learn to predict outcomes and it helped me create a sense of control.
If I could thoroughly understand something and analyze all possible outcomes, I could stay safe.
And it worked for a while.
But as I “grew up” I found the shredder created anxiety and angst.
I’d lay awake at night, replaying the same conversations repeatedly.
I’d agonize over decisions big and small. I was terrified of making the wrong choice.
And as a result, I stayed in relationships way to long. And I end up procrastinating on my big visions and goals for me life.
Until one day, I wondered if there was a more accurate way to KNOW sans torture.
Turns out, there is. There’s a way to know FOR SURE, without the anxiety. And it’s effortless.
We don’t have to DO anything. But we do have to BE.
You would thing BEING is easy, right? I mean how hard can it be to BE?
Very f-ing hard. Especially if you live in your head instead of where you BE.
We BE in that still part of us. It’s a quiet place in the center of your Self that always KNOWS. It’s your internal guidance system, your higher Self.
Now I know what you’re probably thinking. “Yea, okay Heidi, sure! Follow your intuition. No shit. Thanks for the groundbreaking revelation!”
But let’s BE here for a moment. Do you know how hard that is for a person like you?
Likely, you’ve been ignoring your gut for YEARS!
- Those red flags.
- That feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you must go into that office.
- That feeling you get about that person that just doesn’t sit well with you.
- That inkling you must take that class.
- That idea you keep thinking about in the shower.
- That person who keeps calling you, yet you ignore.
- That thing you know you need to get checked out.
- That nagging dissatisfaction with that situation you’re in.
Look, it’s not your fault.
Likely, you were taught a long time ago to ignore your intuition. Especially if you grew up with a toxic or dysfunctional person or are in a relationship with one now.
These types of people make you question your gut! You wonder who the crazy one is, you or them?
Toxic relationships can also make you suppress your intuition. You go along with it because that seems safer than rocking the boat or making change.
Here’s the thing. If you’re still in one of these relationships, you will not be able to see clearly until you have perspective. And I can help you get that clarity.
Also, it takes practice and guidance to relearn how to tap into your intuition.
I’d loved to help you with that! Helping people learn and speak their truth is what I do.
But in the meantime, let me give you some tips.
We need to BE receptive to tap into our intuition.
Everyone’s different, so getting into a state of receptivity is going to be unique to you.
Some people need to sit quietly without any distractions and be still
For me, immediate stillness activates the shredder. And honestly, I don’t have the desire to train myself to meditate.
So to get out of my head and into by intuition, I dance. I do a free form dance, listening to loud music and I move my body how it wants to move. I allow the space and freedom to explore how my body feels and what it needs.
I find that moving my body is the key to putting my awareness there. And that’s where my intuition lives. DEEP inside, past the mind, past the body into the center of BEING.
Some call this spirit. Some tap into their intuition by praying.
I find that after I dance, and I lay down on the ground, I am in total receptive mode and I have full access to my intuition.
Many times, after dance, people experience receiving a “download” from the Universe.
I call that an “UPLOAD” because I believe it’s already inside of you.
There are many masters who talk about getting to a place of stillness to KNOW.
Jesus said, “Be still and know that I am God.”
In the Tao Te Ching Lao Tzu asks us “Do you have the patience to wait. Till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving. Till the right action arises by itself?”
Getting out of your head and back into your heart takes willingness and patience. But the answers we seek live there.
We are all born with an innate ability to know what’s right for us. But when you spend your life asking yourself what’s best for everyone else, you forget what you KNOW.
I’d love to come along side of you and walk you back home to your Truth. And then I’d love to help you live by it.