I used to wake up in the morning with a hangover. My head would pound as I tried to recall the night before. I’d roll over to see if anyone was beside me. And if someone was, I’d check to see if I was still wearing my underwear.
If I was alone, I’d go through my phone and try to piece the night together.
Basically, I’d wake up with shame for things I couldn’t even remember.
Eventually, I’d get into the shower and start the masking process.
I’d paint my face, put on my heels and march into the corporate office where I made millions of dollars for other people.
I dedicated my life to helping other people realize their dreams while I lived in a nightmare.
First, you should know this post isn’t about alcohol. Wine wasn’t my problem. It was my solution to being awake for a life I couldn’t stand.
Having said that, I’ve also been alcohol free for 10 years. But I didn’t do it through a traditional program. I did it though finding and speaking my truth and then pursuing Authentic Happiness.
I don’t know if you’re struggling with alcohol, but if you’re unhappy in your life, you’re likely self-medicating somehow.
- Shopping too much
- Spending money you don’t have
- Zoning out on social media
- Sleeping too much
- Eating too much
- Starving yourself
- Engaging in toxic relationships
Here’s the crazy thing, all these “coping behaviors” are a lame attempt at happiness.
They become the filter you put on your life to make it bearable.
Then, the behaviors become the focus. They give you a “reason” for being so miserable. And you wrongly believe that if you just fix these things, your life will be perfect.
Still, underneath that issue is why you engaged in the self-destructive behavior to begin with. Focusing on your “coping behavior” gives you a false sense of control.
That’s why many people quit drinking and they’re still just as miserable.
When I decided to pursue my happiness, my drinking took care of itself.
So, how did I get happy?
What are the First 3 Steps to Creating a Genuinely Happy Life?
Step one in creating authentic happiness is to get a proper diagnosis.
When people ask me what I do, I often refer to myself as a Psychological Surgeon.
When I think about a surgeon (I have many in my coaching practice), I think about precision, accuracy, and results.
And I know that if I sat with a surgeon, before he cut me open there would be a lengthy diagnostic process to be sure the actual issue was found.
That’s how I work with my clients. Of course, the goal isn’t to cut you open, it’s to identify and remove your metaphorical “cancer” to liberate you from the pain it causes.
I was in pain too and I was my first patient.
When I was at my lowest point, deciding I couldn’t keep living a double life, pretending to be happy, I had to look deep within to see what was truly robbing me of my joy.
It was then, that I asked myself 2 questions.
- What do I really want?
- What am I NO LONGER willing to settle for?
For me, I had what looked like success. I had the money, and the bags, and the home. But I was lonely, anxious and depressed.
When I examined my anxiety, I saw the it was from a belief that I’d be alone forever.
The truth was, I was in ride or die dysfunctional relationships with emotionally unavailable men, trying to convince them to choose me.
And underneath of that was my subconscious driver to need to prove my value.
I felt worthless. So, my life reflected others who couldn’t see my value.
Now, here’s an important distinction. From the outside, I projected an image of confidence. No one would have suspected that underneath I felt unlovable. I had a false sense of self-esteem that came with money and titles.
But when I lost my big money consulting gigs, my worth went with them.
Where are you unhappy? EXACTLY? What is causing you the desire to self-medicate in the first place? What do you really want?
Of course, I recommend you sit with someone highly qualified to help you flesh this out. Most of the time we know we’re not happy, but we don’t know why or what we want.
I also have a gift of discernment. It works like a superpower to be able to see the whole picture of your life and put all the missing pieces of the happiness puzzle together.
My clients say I connect dots for them they have never seen before. In fact, they often refer to me as a Wizard.
I have to say, I love getting that feedback. It feels good to be living a life of purpose, using my gifts and talents to serve others. No more working like a dog to make other people’s dreams come true.
I want the same for you.
The second step is to get to work on fixing what you discovered as the real issue.
Your life is not going to magically get better, even when you work with a Wizardess like me.
There will be decisions you have to make and steps you need to take to make your dreams a reality.
Most people only think about changing their lives and that’s where they stay.
They fantasize, create the vision board and then get pissed off that the Law of Attraction lied.
Here’s the truth, nothing works in your life unless you get to work on your life.
It’s not all work after awhile though. For example, I talk with my clients about learning how to receive (a big problem for most of them.)
Ironically, learning how to receive requires effort at first. It requires learning where you are unwilling to give up control and then consciously “efforting” to release control. (Life is a paradox after all).
Once you’ve had a proper diagnosis, got to work in fixing what needs fixed, you go to step three which is maintain the changes you’ve made and evolve to the next level of happiness.
I can’t tell you how many coaches come to me for coaching and say, “I’ve already healed this or dealt with this” Yet, here it is cropping back up.
The reality is, we are evolving through our issues and they are transformed into higher quality problems.
No one is problem free. You are meant to evolve, to ask for more while simultaneously appreciating the “enoughness” you have.
We are supposed to grow. And you cannot grow without some level of outgrowing.
You must continue to ask yourself what you have outgrown and then give yourself permission to seek higher levels of fulfillment. For some of you, that’s where you are now.
But for now, let’s go back to the beginning.
- What needs to change RIGHT NOW?
- What action must you take to change it?
- Where can you ask for more while being grateful for what you have?
As always, I’d love to be your guide on your journey to fulfillment and happiness.
Let me come along side of you so I can expertly guide you back home to your most joyful, abundant and authentic self. Send me a message to discuss how to get started.
Know Yourself, Be Yourself, Love Yourself,