What’s the real answer to the question, “Why don’t you have what you really want?”
If you’re sleeping, you’ll place all the blame on others. It’s their entire fault. They didn’t give you what you needed, they don’t support you, they’re so negative, they don’t believe in you. They mistreated you. You can’t get past it. They’re responsible.
If you’re waking up, you’ll solely blame yourself. Everyone else did the best they could. It wasn’t that bad. It could have been worse. The past bears no impact. You’ll assume all the responsibility. You’ll blame your excuses for your current situation; you’ll beat yourself up and promise to do better.
If you’re awakened, you’ll do neither and both. You’ll find the Middle Way; see things as they are and deal within the reality, assigning accountability. It’s true that you did not always crate your difficult path. It’s true that the past has a significant impact on your current situation. Yet, you assume 100% responsibility for your healing.
And that’s where we are. Now, we begin the journey to enlightenment through radical insight into yourself and others.
- Why do you do what you do even though you know better?
- Why do you self-sabotage?
- Why do you get into hurtful, one sided relationships?
- Why do you constantly feel unsupported?
- Why do you feel abandoned or rejected by the people who were supposed to love you?
- Why do good things happen to everyone else, while a grey cloud seems to follow you around?
- When is it finally your turn to have others care for and love you they way you love them?
When you decide it’s not up to others.
You realize that your healing, success and happiness are independent of others behaviors, choices, thoughts and feelings.
Likely, you’ve believed you needed them to heal or change, to “see you” or to “get it” for you to be better.
But that’s a lie. It’s an old Unwritten RULE you’ve been following.
If you’ve come from a difficult background, or a dysfunctional, addicted, narcissistic, absent, rejecting or abandoning “family” dynamic, you likely follow A LOT of unwritten Rules that have been keeping you stuck, struggling, sad or sinking.
My intention is to awaken you to these unconscious rules.
One rule at a time, shedding light through perspective, insight and understanding, you’ll rebel against them. Choosing instead NEW Rules, which I call The Vows, enabling and equipping you to have the life you truly desire and deserve.
When I was little, I couldn’t figure out how to make people love me the way I wanted to be loved.
I wanted to be loved all the time. Not sometimes.
I ping ponged between feeling loved and hated. When I was loved, I was hugged, kissed, cuddled.
When I was hated, I was beaten and berated. My spirit crushed and annihilated.
I was constantly confused. So, I decided that to get people to love me more consistently, you have to be who they need or want you to be. A chameleon is born.
In short, you need to BE LOVABE.
Heidi, what’s wrong with being lovable?
Nothing’s wrong with the BEING, it’s in the DOING.
If I need to BE lovable, in this sense, then you need to act in ways that warrant one to love you.
There’s a problem with this.
You can try and BE lovable, and they still won’t love you.
So, maybe you decide to try harder. You try and are perfect, never make a mistake. Never do or say anything to turn anyone off or give them a reason to dislike you.
Human love is conditional. That’s the truth, whether we want to admit it or not.
And either we’re holding someone hostage to our conditions of feeling loved or we’re hustling to meet theirs.
You cannot scramble enough to make a hateful person love you.
You cannot hustle enough to make a withholding person give to you.
You cannot BE enough to make someone love themselves enough to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
The way people love themselves is a mirror to the way they’re able to love you.
And the way you love yourself is a direct reflection of how much you need others to love you.
And here’s the thing. If you need to BE lovable, the presupposition is you’re NOT.
You’re beginning the conversation of love with a deficit.
When you decide to love you, you don’t need them to love you. You allow others to be incapable of loving you without making it about you.
Their inability to love you has nothing to do with you.
Think about Jesus for a minute. I’m definitely not religious. But Jesus is a case study in human love.
Why was Jesus was so able to love everyone the way he did?
I think it’s because he was so full of himSelf. Not in the egocentric way. But in the capital S Self way. His True Self.
He knew WHO he was. He didn’t need anyone else to believe. Whether they did or not was on them. He didn’t take it personally. He remained who he knew he was and moved along.
Hard to do when you believe you NEED the person who is rejecting or abandoning you to love you.
But hear me. Just the way that an unbeliever cannot receive the miracle, so can that person not see or receive your gifts.
And you are a GIFT to this world.
How do we begin to release the desire for approval and love from those who cannot give it to us?
We begin to learn how to love ourselves.
And not in the way you’re most accustomed to. I’m not talking about self care here.
The truth is, there aren’t enough bath bombs in the world to make up for a deep seeded feeling of inadequacy.
I’m talking about a proven, step by step Self Love System and that’s exactly what I offer in LYFE School.
LYFE stands for Love Yourself First Empowerment. Think of it like everything you wished had been taught and instilled in you as a child.
I believe this is the solution to all of your relationship and self sabotage issues.
I know because I was my first student before I took hundred more through the process.
If you’d like to learn more about LYFE School, visit my site at www.LoveCoachHeidi.com
Until the next Rule,
Know YourSelf. Be YourSelf. Love YourSelf.