Shelly was thrilled. She bounded into my office and threw herself into the overstuffed leather chair and exclaimed, “Well, I’ve either met the love of my life or the one who’s going to propel me into the abyss.”
“You’ve met someone! Tell me about him!”
“He’s perfect. He’s a single dad who raised his 2 daughters. He’s built an amazing real estate business and he likes me. A lot.” Shelly starts wringing her hands and biting her lip.
“But..” I offer.
“Well, obviously he’s either a psycho, waiting to unveil his flavor of crazy or he’s going to decide he hates me.”
“And these are the only two choices?” I furrow,
“Obviously.” She emphatically retorts.
Shelly is like most of the clients I help. And there are two things going on here. The first is her black and white, all or nothing thinking.
And the second is today’s rule In our Rebellion: The other shoe will drop.
Shelly wants to protect herself from the bad thing that’s invariably going to happen.
And this isn’t new to her.
Shelley’s an expert at being let down.
“One time”, she shared in a coaching session, “I was about 20 years old. I was sitting on the patio with my brother smoking a cigarette and drinking iced tea. It was a beautiful summer day and the breeze was just right. The house was clean, and my dad was cutting the grass. My brother looked over at me and said, “Wow. This is almost kind of normal. I mean, Dad’s doing dad things. We have everything we need.” He took a drag of his Marlboro.
“I know. It’s almost kind of eerie.” I cringed.
“Don’t worry he said, “He’ll likely cut his foot off after a bit.”
It’s not that our dad wasn’t responsible in some ways. He was. It’s just that, after 5 PM he was usually getting drunk.
So every happy memory was usually tainted after the 8pm.
Shelly is an ACOA an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
And that experience has gifted her with some amazing personality traits such as resilience. But it also left her with some other unconscious behavior patterns I refer to as the Rules.
The rule shelly is following here is, “Don’t get too comfortable, don’t get too excited. stay alert, the other shoe will drop.”
And the thing is, she’s not wrong.
In life, the tide goes in and the tide goes out.
We also experience the same rhythms as the seasons.
And we may be living in a summer when things are “hot and wonderful” but in our mind, we’re preparing for the winter. Or worse, we’re living in a winter.
In today’s video, we explore how to be in the season you’re in and lessen your anxiety.
For more help, schedule a complimentary consultation.
In the meantime..
Know Your Self
So you can BE Your self
So you can Love Your Self.