Recovery: when you’ve changed but they’re still living in the past.

Written by Heidi Rain

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August 26, 2020

Being in a relationship of any kind with an addict or alcoholic causes an emotional, physical, and psychological rollercoaster. It’s crucial that you have BOUNDARIES! My latest on demand master mini course lays the foundation of how to set and hold a boundary with an addict. You will get the exact step by step formula and the insight, wisdom, and guidance you need to set a boundary and FOLLOW THROUGH.

Learn:

  • Why boundaries fail
  • Common boundary mistakes with an addict or alcoholic
  • How to get massive clarity around what you want, deserve, and are no longer    willing to tolerate.
  • How to communicate with clarity, empathy, and strength.
  • How to follow through
  • The exact language to use with an addict or alcoholic
  • How to stop being manipulated, gaslit, and guilted out of your boundaries
  • How to create a healthy, peaceful environment for you and your family.

Recovery is no easy task!

So congratulations on becoming more of who you truly are through the process of shedding all that’s not you.

You’ve changed! And that is amazing!

What’s not so awesome is when you have changed, but the people you love are the same.

 You find yourself getting triggered up and maybe even falling back into old patterns and ways of behaving.

First, I want to talk about what happens when you change.

Although people want you to change, it’s also scary to them. They don’t know if it’s only a matter of time until you relapse.

And so, if your loved one is living in the past and reminding you of who you used to be or how you ruined last Christmas, it’s likely in an attempt to ensure you don’t do it again.

They mistakenly think that if they remind you how bad things were, it will keep you on the straight and narrow path to sobriety.

The other thing is that if they aren’t doing it with benevolent intentions, then you may want to consider distancing yourself from them.

 Maybe they’re actually a toxic or dysfunctional person themselves. And if that’s the case, you will want to make some decisions about choosing to spend time around them.

The other thing that may be happening is that you find yourself slipping back into old ways of behaving when you’re around them.

And sometimes you do this because you want to connect with them.

When you change, you can feel like you’re outgrowing people and that can be scary and feel lonely.

So, if that’s the case and you are morphing yourself into the old version of you to stay connected, that’s an issue and it’s codependent.

If you are codependent, you’ll want to learn how to start your recovery journey.

And if you have family that you want to educate on addiction, you can encourage them to learn how deal with addiction in the family.

I hope you found the video helpful! Please leave a comment and let’s connect!

Love,

Coach Heidi

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