What is codependency?
What is codependency and what are codependent relationships? Simply put, codependency is an adaptive way of functioning in a dysfunctional dynamic.
When we’re born, we’re dependent on our caregivers to meet out needs physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically. If we have a good experience, and we learn we can depend on others to meet our needs, we move onto the next phase of developing independence.
Healthy independence means we develop our ability to take care of ourselves, demonstrate a healthy self- esteem and have healthy relationships with ourselves and the world around us.
From there, we move into interdependence and create mutually beneficial, balanced, and healthy relationships.
But if we had a rough go during the first two crucial steps, and especially if we grew up in dysfunctional, addicted, or abusive environments, we become codependent, struggling to make our relationships work, stuck in a pattern of self sabotage and dysfunction.
We stay stuck in dependence (people pleasing and clinging to the wrong people) or chronic independence, becoming compulsively self reliant (trusting no one, and seeing vulnerability as weakness).
Codependency is simply finding a way to “function” (survive. thrive, connect or cope) in a dysfunctional family.
You develop coping strategies in reaction to the unhealthy people around you.
Codependency Coaching gets to the root cause of your relationship issues, so you can heal from destructive patterns and break up with toxic codependent cycles for good.
Are you a “Fixer?”
You dedicate yourself to saving, rescuing others. You aim to help others reach their full potential, though they never get there. You end up with emotionally, financially, physically or psychologically unavailable people.
Codependency Coaching will help identify the root causes of your fixing behavior and help you restore balance to your one sided relationships.
Do you always have to be “the strong one”?
You don’t always speak your truth or let others see what’s really going on in your relationships. Sometimes being vulnerable makes you feel weak. And even though you’re STRONG, you’re totally NOT FINE. Your relationships are in trouble and you keep secrets for fear of being judged.
In the coaching process, we discover where this notion of vulnerability as weakness originated and we deconstruct the subconscious programming that keeps you from identifying and sharing your feelings.
Do you feel like you’re never enough?
You never feel like you’re measuring up. You constantly worry what others think and compare yourself to others.You try to say and do the perfect thing all the time and when you fail, you judge yourself without mercy. You also have high expectations of others and they never live up to them leaving you feeling hurt and resentful. You have a fear of being found out or feel like a fraud, even though you’re not.
One key aim of codependency coaching is to examine where a lack mentality comes from and identify how the feeling of not enough impedes you from reaching your fullest potential. We work to reverse this mindset though strategic and actionable steps.
Do you have trouble trusting others?
You want to be able to trust people, but the truth is, you believe the only person you can count on is yourself. You’re overwhelmed and anxious. You believe that if you don’t try and control everything, it will all fall apart.
Coaching is about helping you uncover the root cause of your trust issues and undo the damage done from previous life experiences that contributed to you feeling unsafe. During the process, you will learn to cultivate your trust and learn to LET GO, receive and let it be.
Are you still trying to heal from the past?
You’ve done some work, but you still can’t seem to get over what happened. You want to move on, but you’re not sure how to let it go. You’ve changes but you keep getting sucked back in to others drama. You feel powerless. You keep getting hurt, betrayed, blindsided, or back-stabbed.
There is a pivotal point in coaching where you learn to release long standing resentments (some of which are subconscious) through a radical and proprietary 7 step process.
Do you withhold your feelings?
You restrict yourself. You walk on eggshells. You don’t share your feelings, thoughts or yourself (fully). You shrink who you are to make others feel more comfortable. You’re afraid to fully share your thoughts, feelings or beliefs for fear you will be rejected or abandoned. You isolate and no one really knows you.
We work with you to help you identify your true self and learn to share and express yourself in ways that feel authentic and powerful.
Do others violate your boundaries?
You want to say “no” but you don’t. You over commit because you want to make everyone else happy. You self-sacrifice to the point of complete burnout and then when you need someone, no one’s there for you. You just wish others would treat you the way you treat them.
Overcoming codependency means you learn to articulate, state and hold your boundaries. We give you the exact step by step fill-in-the blank formula for successful relationships.
Are you loyal to a fault?
You go ALL IN and you trust the wrong people. You stay loyal too long to people who don’t deserve you. You seek approval and affirmation and feel you can’t trust your own judgement or intuition. You need others to validate you.
Part of the process is dedicated to helping you get absolute clarity on your current relationships to end all confusion and get off the fence. You’ll be able to know for sure if you should stay pr go and you’ll have a plan you can feel good about.
If you’re ready to start your journey to healing, wholeness and healthy relationships, check out our signature course!
Seriously considering joining our program or receiving coaching?
Get your questions answered with our complimentary consultation.
Heidi Rain McGuirk
Heidi McGuirk is a Master Practitioner of NLP, Addiction Professional and Master Certified Empowerment and Relationship Coach. She specializes in codependency, self-love, dysfunctional/unhealthy relationships, and dealing with addiction in the family. She is co-creator of the Revolutionary Family Program and Love Yourself First Empowerment School.
It’s her passion to equip and certify those who want to help others through her Empowerment Coach University.
Heidi held an esteemed faculty position at one of the world’s leading drug and alcohol treatment centers where she created empowerment programming and facilitated psychoeducational lectures, seminars and group therapy. This experience with thousands of clients over many years, led to the creation of much of her life changing curriculum and proprietary methods.
Heidi blends her vast professional experience, world class education and personal experience to create exceptional results with her students and clients..
She has a unique understanding and fresh perspective which helps her to truly get results with those she helps.
Her riveting style of using humor and candor encourages and inspires people to heal.