Hi! I'm Heidi and I help high achievers detoxify their unhealthy relationships so they can have the love and happiness they deserve!
You can look like you have it all but If you have a relationship that’s causing you anxiety, resentment, confusion or sadness, you’ll ask yourself, “what’s the point?’
When I was a little girl I was plagued by one dominating question.: “What’s wrong with me?”
I couldn’t figure out how to make people love me the way I wanted to be loved. I reached the conclusion that being me wasn’t good enough. And I set about the business of becoming someone else.
These days, I call them “Attachment Personality Patterns” or APPS.
Simply put, it’s a personality we take on in order to thrive, survive, connect, or cope in our family dynamic.
This is how we try and get love or make love work.
The patterns worked~ for awhile. But now, they’re making us miserable, unfulfilled, full of anxiety and depressed. They’re ruining our chances at an authentically happy life filled with meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships.
Are you in an unhealthy relationship?
An unhealthy relationship is one where you can’t be your true self. You become who you “need to be” in an attempt to get the love you want.
- The FIXER: You dedicate yourself to saving or helping others reach their full potential, though they never get there. You have caseloads instead of friends. You choose emotionally, financially, physically or psychologically unavailable people.
- The PRETENDER “Never let ’em see you sweat!”You don’t speak your truth. You don’t like to be vulnerable because it makes you feel weak. And even though you suck it up and pretend you’re fine, you’re totally NOT FINE.
- The PERFECTIONIST It looks good from the outside. But that’s because you’re afraid to be the real you. So, you morph into the ideal image of who you think “people” will approve of. You try to say and do the perfect thing all the time and when you fail, you judge yourself without mercy.
- The CONTROLLER No one’s gonna do it like you do it! That’s why you have to do it all by yourself. ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME. You want to be able to trust people, but the truth is, you believe the only person you can count on is yourself. You’re full of overwhelm and anxiety. You’re lonely.
- The VICTIM You’re haunted by your past or controlled by others opinions of you. Other’s actions paralyze you. You stay in relationships too long because you keep getting sucked back in. You feel powerless. You keep getting hurt, betrayed, blindsided, or backstabbed.
- The WITHHOLDER You restrict yourself. You don’t share your feelings, thoughts or yourself (fully). You somehow believe that you have to shrink who you are to make others feel better about themselves. You are afraid to fully give yourself to anyone or anything for fear you will be rejected or abandoned. You isolate and no one really knows you.
- The PLEASER You want to say “no” but you don’t. You take on more than you want to because you want to make everyone else happy. You self-sacrifice to the point of complete burnout and then when you need someone, no one’s there for you. You’re secretly resentful and pissed. You just wish others would treat you the way you treat them.
- The CLINGER You go ALL IN way too soon and you trust the wrong people. You stay loyal to people who don’t deserve you. You seek approval and affirmation and feel you can’t trust your own judgement or intuition. You need others to validate you.
The truth is, you CAN have the relationships you deserve.
Everything you want in life starts with mastering 3 things.
1. Know Your Self: Learn about your unique personality pattern and the impact it has o your life and relationships
2. BE Your Self: Get the tools and strategies to BE your authentic self.
3. Love Your Self: Learn my step by step self love system to have the life and relationships you deserve.
Most people confuse self-love with self-care
I’m not talking about bath bombs here. The reality is, there aren’t enough bath bombs and manicures in the world to compensate for a deep seated belief you aren’t enough.
I work to get to the root of your relationship Issues.
I have a systematic approach to healing all your unhealthy behavior that prevents you from being who you were born to be and having the relationships you deserve. When we work together,we’ll figure out who you’ve been. Then,I’ll help you release the past, find your power and root down into your authentic Self.
As a result, you’ll transform every relationship in your life. Even the most difficult ones.
Have you been following the toxic relationship rules?
Don’t be selfish. Put everyone else’s needs before your own.
Never let them see you sweat. BE STRONG. Don’t show weakness. Vulnerability is bad.
Don’t trust anyone.
Don’t let your guard down. The other shoe will drop.
Don’t celebrate your success. You’re not enough, It’s not enough. There’s not enough.
Don’t talk about your feelings. Better yet, pretend not to have them.
Don’t talk about your problems. It’s not ok to have them.
Fix everyone else’s problems.
Don’t be who you are. Don’t make mistakes. Be perfect.
Are you ready to break some rules so you can finally have the life and relationships you deserve
It’s time to step FULLY INTO
your most powerful, joy filled Self and be who you were born to be!
Check out our Empowrment Blog Below
When You Guess at What’s Normal in Your Relationships
I was in Zumba class yesterday doing my normal thing, which is to get lost in the music, mouth the words in Spanish that I don’t speak, make random movements with my head and face that resemble a painful episode of toddlers and tiaras. I caught myself in the mirror...
When You Choose Success Over Relationships
It’s a noble pursuit! Wanting to change the world, reach millions of people, and help as many as you can by achieving your goals. But what’s the price you pay? If you’re like me, it was relationships. In today’s #rulerebellion, we’re talking about the rule, “I can’t...
When You Feel Like No One Cares
Julie locked the bedroom door, flung herself on the bed and landed face first into the pillow. In between sobs, she could still hear them laughing and chattering in the living room. “Jesus!” She thought to herself 15 minutes later. “Listen to them still carrying on...
When you always have to be IN CONTROL
Rule Rebellion: “I have to be in control.” My dad never drove anywhere without a beer between his legs. I grew up in the back woods of Pennsylvania, where most roads were windy, hilly, and full of pot holes from the coal trucks. Often, the edge of the roads on the top...
When You’re Always Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop
Shelly was thrilled. She bounded into my office and threw herself into the overstuffed leather chair and exclaimed, “Well, I’ve either met the love of my life or the one who’s going to propel me into the abyss.” “You’ve met someone! Tell me about him!” “He’s perfect....
About Heidi
As an international business consultant, I’d march into the board room in my pencil skirt, set down my latest LV bag and run the world.
But that wasn’t the whole story.
The truth was, I was alone even though I went to bed with my 10 years too long boyfriend. I’d lay awake at night full of anxiety wondering what it would be like to be with someone willing to put me first.
I’d wake up with a hangover from the 2 bottles of wine I drank the night before hoping to forget about the fact I was totally resentful and burnt out.
I’d hide the rest of the brownies in the bottom of the trash and pour coffee grinds on them so I wouldn’t be tempted to binge again.
I’d suit up for battle the next day and soldier on.
No one knew what was really going on because I was an incredible performer.
I was the consummate people pleasing overachiever.
But no amount of success was enough, because I never felt enough.
I would lay my head on my pillow at night and wonder “Is this life? Is this really all there is?”
I knew what I wanted. I wanted two things: True love and authentic happiness.
It all came to a head in 2009, the economy crashed, I lost my my big money consulting career and all my self esteem went with it.
I had no idea who I was or what my value was without “what I did”.
I was in my thirties, childless, heartbroken, hungover, alone, and desperate to change.
I felt like I had wasted enough time and it was now or never to get my life together. For Real. No more faking it and going through the motions,
It was MY TURN to be happy.
today…
I live LOUDLY and I don’t care who’s watching or what they’re thinking.
I’m able to be the mother I always wanted to my daughter.
I love DEEPLY. And I have a true partner who reflects the value I hold for myself.
I show up BOLDLY for the hundreds of people I serve through my books, workshops, retreats and private mentoring programs.
And I LET GO of the rest that no longer serves me.
