When You’re Always Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Shelly was thrilled. She bounded into my office and threw herself into the overstuffed leather chair and exclaimed, “Well, I’ve either met the love of my life or the one who’s going to propel me into the abyss.” “You’ve met someone! Tell me about him!” “He’s perfect....

When You Can’t Show Weakness

When You Can’t Show Weakness. I think I was born highly sensitive. I had an in exorbitant amount of shame for things I didn’t even do. Someone could look at me with a disapproving look and it would travel through my blood stream into my heart then make its way up to...

When You Need Their Love and Approval…

What’s the real answer to the question, “Why don’t you have what you really want?” If you’re sleeping, you’ll place all the blame on others. It’s their entire fault. They didn’t give you what you needed, they don’t support you, they’re so negative, they don’t believe...

So You Want to Be Happy…

I used to wake up in the morning with a hangover. My head would pound as I tried to recall the night before. I’d roll over to see if anyone was beside me. And if someone was, I’d check to see if I was still wearing my underwear. If I was alone, I’d go through my phone...

Have you been following the Codependent rules?

Don’t be selfish. Put everyone else’s needs before your own.

 Never let them see you sweat. BE STRONG. Don’t show weakness. Vulnerability is bad. 

 Don’t trust anyone.

 Don’t let your guard down. The other shoe will drop.

 Don’t celebrate your success. You’re not enough, It’s not enough. There’s not enough.

 Don’t talk about your feelings. Better yet, pretend not to have them.

 Don’t talk about your problems. It’s not ok to have them.

Fix everyone else’s problems.  

 Don’t be who you are. Don’t make mistakes. Be perfect.

 

Are you ready to break some rules so you can finally have the life and relationships you deserve

It’s time to step FULLY INTO

your most powerful, joy filled Self and be who you were born to be!

 When I was a little girl I was plagued by one dominating question.: “What’s wrong with me?”

 

I couldn’t figure out how to make people love me the way I wanted to be loved. I reached the conclusion that being me wasn’t good enough. And I set about the business of becoming someone else.

These days, I call them “Attachment Personality Patterns” or APPS. Simply put, it’s a personality we take on in order to thrive, survive, connect, or cope in our family dynamic. This is how we become codependent. 

The patterns worked~ for awhile. But now, they’re making us miserable, unfulfilled, full of anxiety and depressed. They’re ruining our chances at an authentically happy life filled with meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships. That’s the goal of relationship coaching: to reach INTERDEPENDENCE.

“when I let go of what I am, I become what i might become” Lao Tzu

Who have you BEEN? The codependent patterns:

  • The FIXER: You dedicate yourself to saving or helping others reach their full potential, though they never get there. You have caseloads instead of friends. You choose emotionally, financially, physically or psychologically unavailable people.
  • The PRETENDER “Never let ’em see you sweat!”You don’t speak your truth. You don’t like to be vulnerable because it makes you feel weak. And even though you suck it up and pretend you’re fine, you’re totally NOT FINE. 
  • The PERFECTIONIST  It looks good from the outside. But that’s because you’re afraid to be the real you. So, you morph into the ideal image of who you think “people” will approve of. You try to say and do the perfect thing all the time and when you fail, you judge yourself without mercy.  
  • The CONTROLLER  No one’s gonna do it like you do it! That’s why you have to do it all by yourself. ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME. You want to be able to trust people, but the truth is, you believe the only person you can count on is yourself. You’re full of overwhelm and anxiety. You’re lonely. 
  • The VICTIM  You’re haunted by your past or controlled by others opinions of you. Other’s actions paralyze you. You stay in relationships too long because you keep getting sucked back in.  You feel powerless. You keep getting hurt, betrayed, blindsided, or backstabbed. 
  • The WITHHOLDER  You restrict yourself. You don’t share your feelings, thoughts or yourself (fully). You somehow believe that you have to shrink who you are to make others feel better about themselves. You are afraid to fully give yourself to anyone or anything for fear you will be rejected or abandoned. You isolate and no one really knows you. 
  • The PLEASER   You want to say “no” but you don’t. You take on more than you want to because you want to make everyone else happy. You self-sacrifice to the point of complete burnout and then when you need someone, no one’s there for you. You’re secretly resentful and pissed. You just wish others would treat you the way you treat them. 
  • The CLINGER  You go ALL IN way too soon and you trust the wrong people. You stay loyal to people who don’t deserve you. You seek approval and affirmation and feel you can’t trust your own judgement or intuition. You need others to validate you. 

My life was about projecting who I wanted you to see, not about being who I really was.

 

As an international business consultant, I’d march into the board room in my pencil skirt, set down my latest LV bag and run the world.

But that wasn’t the whole story.

The truth was, I was alone even though I went to bed with my 10 years too long boyfriend. I’d lay awake at night full of anxiety wondering what it would be like to be with someone willing to put me first.

I’d wake up with a hangover from the 2 bottles of wine I drank the night before hoping to forget about the fact I was totally resentful and burnt out.

I’d hide the rest of the brownies in the bottom of the trash and pour coffee grinds on them so I wouldn’t be tempted to binge again.

I’d suit up for battle the next day and soldier on.

No one knew what was really going on because I was an incredible performer.

 I was the consummate people pleasing overachiever.

But no amount of success was enough, because I never felt enough.

I would lay my head on my pillow at night and wonder “Is this life? Is this really all there is?”

I knew what I wanted. I wanted two things: True love and authentic happiness.

 It all came to a head in 2009, when I lost my big money job, ended my relationship and moved back home to my alcoholic father’s house. I was 35, childless, heartbroken, alone, and desperate to change.

I felt like I had wasted enough time and it was now or never to get my shit together. For Real.

No more faking it.

today…

I live LOUDLY and I don’t care who’s watching or what they’re thinking.

I’m able to be the mother I always wanted to my daughter.  

I love DEEPLY. And I have a true partner who reflects the value I hold for myself.

I show up BOLDLY for the hundreds of people I serve through my books, workshops, retreats and private mentoring programs.

And I LET GO of the rest that no longer serves me. 

The truth is, you CAN have the relationships you deserve.

 

Everything you want in life starts with mastering 3 things. 

1. Know YourSelf: Learn about your unique personality pattern and the impact it has o your life and relationships

2. BE YourSelf: Get the tools and strategies to BE your authentic self.

3.  Love YourSelf: Learn my step by step self love system to have the life and rlationships you deserve.

Most people confuse self-love with self-care

I’m not talking about bath bombs here. The reality is, there aren’t enough bath bombs and manicures in the world to compensate for a deep seated belief you aren’t enough.

I work to get to the root of your relationship Issues. 

I have a systematic approach to healing all your dysfunctional and codependent behavior that prevents you from being who you were born to be and attracting the relationships you deserve. When we work together,we’ll figure out who you’ve been. Then,I’ll help you release the past, find your power and root down into your authentic Self.

As a result, you’ll transform every relationship in your life. Even the most difficult ones.