When I was a little girl I was plagued by one dominating question.: “What’s wrong with me?”

 

I couldn’t figure out how to make people love me the way I wanted to be loved. I reached the conclusion that being me wasn’t good enough. And I set about the business of becoming someone else.

These days, I call them “Attachment Personality Patterns” or APPS. Simply put, it’s a personality we take on in order to thrive, survive, connect, or cope in our family dynamic. The patterns worked~ for awhile. But now, they’re making us miserable, unfulfilled, full of anxiety and depressed. They’re ruining our chances at an authentically happy life filled with meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships. 

“when I let go of what I am, I become what i might become” Lao Tzu

Who have you BEEN? 

• FIXER FRAN: YOU dedicate yourself to saving or helping others reach their full potential, though they never get there. You have caseloads instead of friends. You choose emotionally, financially, physically or psychologically unavailable people.
• PRETENDING PAULA. “Never let ’em see you sweat!”You don’t speak your truth. You don’t like to be vulnerable because it makes you feel weak. And even though you suck it up and pretend you’re fine, you’re totally NOT FINE. 
• PATTY PERFECT. It looks good from the outside. But that’s because you’re afraid to be the real you. So, you morph into the ideal image of who you think “people” will approve of. You try to say and do the perfect thing all the time and when you fail, you judge yourself without mercy.  
• CONTROLLING CONNIE. No one’s gonna do it like you do it! That’s why you have to do it all by yourself. ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME. You want to be able to trust people, but the truth is, you believe the only person you can count on is yourself. You’re full of overwhelm and anxiety. You’re lonely. 
• VERONICA THE VICTIM  You’re haunted by your past or controlled by others opinions of you. Other’s actions paralyze you. You stay in relationships too long because you keep getting sucked back in.  You feel powerless. You keep getting hurt, betrayed, blindsided, or backstabbed. 
• WITHHOLDING WENDY. You restrict yourself. You don’t share your feelings, thoughts or yourself (fully). You somehow believe that you have to shrink who you are to make others feel better about themselves. You are afraid to fully give yourself to anyone or anything for fear you will be rejected or abandoned. You isolate and no one really knows you. 
• PEOPLE PLEASING PENNY You want to say “no” but you don’t. You take on more than you want to because you want to make everyone else happy. You self-sacrifice to the point of complete burnout and then when you need someone, no one’s there for you. You’re secretly resentful and pissed. You just wish others would treat you the way you treat them. 
• CLINGY CLAIRE . You go ALL IN way too soon and you trust the wrong people. You stay loyal to people who don’t deserve you. You seek approval and affirmation and feel you can’t trust your own judgement or intuition. You need others to validate you. 

My life was about projecting who I wanted you to see, not about being who I really was.

 

As an international business consultant, I’d march into the board room in my pencil skirt, set down my latest LV bag and run the world.

But that wasn’t the whole story.

The truth was, I was alone even though I went to bed with my 10 years too long boyfriend. I’d lay awake at night full of anxiety wondering what it would be like to be with someone willing to put me first.

I’d wake up with a hangover from the 2 bottles of wine I drank the night before hoping to forget about the fact I was totally resentful and burnt out.

I’d hide the rest of the brownies in the bottom of the trash and pour coffee grinds on them so I wouldn’t be tempted to binge again.

I’d suit up for battle the next day and soldier on.

No one knew what was really going on because I was an incredible performer.

 I was the consummate people pleasing overachiever.

But no amount of success was enough, because I never felt enough.

I would lay my head on my pillow at night and wonder “Is this life? Is this really all there is?”

I knew what I wanted. I wanted two things: True love and authentic happiness.

 It all came to a head in 2009, when I lost my big money job, ended my relationship and moved back home to my alcoholic father’s house. I was 35, childless, heartbroken, alone, and desperate to change.

I felt like I had wasted enough time and it was now or never to get my shit together. For Real.

No more faking it.

today…

I laugh. LOUDLY from my gut.

Especially with my Daughter Ellovie who is genuinely HILARIOUS! Seriously, this kid is unbelievable. 

I’m able to be the mother I always wanted.

I love DEEPLY, my husband Dug who is a true partner and reflection of the value I hold for myself.

I show up BOLDLY for the hundreds of people I serve through my books, workshops, retreats and private mentoring programs.

And I LET GO of the rest that no longer serves me. 

The truth is, you CAN have the relationships you deserve.

 

Everything you want in life starts with mastering 3 things. 

1. Know YourSelf

2. BE YourSelf

3.  Love YourSelf

Most people confuse self-love with self-care

I’m not talking about bath bombs here. The reality is, there aren’t enough bath bombs and manicures in the world to compensate for a deep seated belief you aren’t enough.

I work to get to the root of your relationship Issues. 

I have a systematic approach to healing all your dysfunctional and codependent behavior that prevents you from being who you were born to be and attracting the relationships you deserve. When we work together,we’ll figure out who you’ve been. Then,I’ll help you release the past, find your power and root down into your authentic Self.

As a result, you’ll transform every relationship in your life. Even the most difficult ones. 

The next step is to schedule your complimentary consultation to discuss your needs.