“overcoming codependency is about being who really are instead of who you’ve needed to be”. Heidi Rain McGuirk

I see you…

You’ve tried to be who they need you to be. You morph yourself into the most attractive version of yourself, so they like and approve of you. But deep down, you feel like no one really knows you. You’re ok with that because you believe if they really knew you, they’d reject you.

You’re the first person they call when they need someone because you say Yes to everything, even when you want to say no. But the truth is, you’re afraid if you say no, they’ll take their love away.

You’re a fixer in your relationships. You choose people who are broken. You believe in your heart if they can just be the person you know they can be, they’ll be happy. But they always fall short, leaving you hurt, tired, and resentful.

 You smile and pretend you’re not bothered by how they treat you.You don’t like to be vulnerable because it makes you feel weak. And even though you suck it up and pretend you’re fine, you’re devastated. 

You’re smart. But you can’t figure out why you keep letting yourself get hurt. You keep giving one more chance, hoping this will be the time they see your value and stop screwing  up, but they don’t. You promise yourself you’re going to walk away for good, but you don’t.

 You want to be able to trust someone, but the truth is, you believe the only person you can count on is yourself.You secretly wish someone would rescue you from having to do it all…all of the time. You just want someone stronger than you, but you haven’t found anyone that strong.

 You wonder if you made a mistake. Did you settle? You wanted more, but you thought this was a good as it was going to get, even though it’s not what you really want. You stay, thinking, this is the bed you made. Loyalty matters to you. So, even though you’re miserable and lonely, you stay.

You know that people are nice to your face, but behind your back, they’re judging you. They think you’re a fraud. They know you’re a phony and they really don’t like you. They’re just pretending. You feel like an outsider, even amongst your “friends”.

 You’re so friggin tired of having to show everyone what you’re capable of. But when they underestimate you, that throws you into a cycle and you end up resentful you have to keep proving yourself over and over again.

You believe if you just hang in there long enough, they’ll change. You see the good in everyone. But no one appreciates the good in you. They use you and take advantage of your kindness.

 You don’t mean to do it, but you know you push people’s buttons. You test their loyalty. You’re just trying to see how long it will take before they abandon you. 

You’re afraid of hurting people, so you try and be nice. You want to make sure everyone likes you, so you censor yourself around the people you love the most. You don’t want to rock the boat or make anyone feel bad.

 Your secret wish is to change the world. You’re talented and gifted. But deep down, you’re terrified you won’t be good enough and risking failure isn’t worth it.

You want someone in your life who gets you and accepts all of you for who you are. You want someone who will be there for you no matter what. You long to be taken care of. But you believe you’re the only person who is ever willing to do that.

 What is this behavior costing you?

 Your life.

I’m Heidi and I get it…

If you had met me back in 2008, you’d have thought I had it all. I was traveling the world as an international business consultant. I’d march into the board room in my pencil skirt, set down my latest LV bag and run the world.

But that wasn’t the whole story.

The truth was, I was alone even though I went to bed with my 10 years too long boyfriend. I’d lay awake at night full of anxiety wondering what it would be like to be with someone willing to put me first.

 I’d wake up with a hangover from the 2 bottles of wine I drank the night before hoping to forget about the fact I was totally resentful and burnt out.

 I’d hide the rest of the brownies in the bottom of the trash and pour coffee grinds on them so I wouldn’t be tempted to binge again.

 I’d suit up for battle the next day and soldier on.

No one knew what was really going on because I was an incredible performer. My life was about projecting who I wanted you to see not about being who I really was.

 I was the consummate people pleasing overachiever.

 But no amount of success was enough, because I never felt enough.

 I would lay my head on my pillow at night and wonder “Is this life? Is this really all there is?”

 I knew what I wanted. I wanted two things: True love and authentic happiness.

 It all came to a head in 2009, when I lost my big money job, ended my relationship and moved back home to my alcoholic father’s house. I was 35, heartbroken, alone, and desperate to change. I felt like I had wasted enough time and it was now or never to get my shit together. For Real.  No more faking it.

The truth is, you CAN have it all.You can stop settling, sacrificing and sucking it up and it turns out, I also figured out how.

It’s not a new concept, but it’s a radical way of approaching it.

 Everything you want in life starts with learning to Love Yourself First. When you love yourself, anything is possible.

 Most people confuse self-love with self-care. I’m not talking about bath bombs here. The truth is, there aren’t enough bath bobs and manicures in the world to compensate for a deep seeded belief you aren’t enough.

 When I speak of learning to love yourself First, I’m talking about EMBODIMENT.

 I created a systematic approach to healing all your dysfunctional and codependent behavior that prevents you from being who you were born to be and attracting the relationships you deserve.

 That’s why I created LYFE School: where you learn to Embody Loving Yourself First