How to tell if you’re ready for a relationship. Three simple questions.

by | May 5, 2016 | Advice, All, Dating, Dating Coach, Love, Relationship Coaching, Relationships, Understanding Men

Knowing if you’re ready to get into a relationship can be a tricky thing. You can feel ready and still be ill equipped and you can be ill equipped and feel ready. There’s not a one size fits all answer here. But I will give you a quick test. If you answer yes to any of these three questions, then you are NOT ready.

  1. Am I seeking a relationship to feel better about myself?
  2. Am I seeking someone to take care of me because I can’t take excellent care of myself?
  3. Am I seeking someone to fill a void

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  1. Am I seeking a relationship to feel better about myself?

If you are wanting to get with someone so you can feel more lovable, worthy, special, important, or any other version f “better about yourself”, then it’s a big fat NO. The deal is that you will only attract someone who feels the exact way you feel about you. And you can’t fake it. So, until you genuinely feel awesome about who you are, you won’t attract someone who thinks you’re the cat’s pajamas.  Work first on feeling better about yourself just as you are.

  1. Are you seeking someone to take care of you?

Do you want someone to help pay the bills? Split the resnt? Take care of you emotionally? Physically? If it’s a yes, then it’s a no! You’ve got to know you can take total care of yourself first. And you can!

  1. Am I seeking relationship to fill a void?

Did you just get sober and feel a gaping hole? Are you bored? Are you craving a rush that only a new guy can fill? Then, it’s a no. Quick sex is a cheat substitute for long term genuine happiness. Learn to fill in the gaps solo. When you can learn to love yourself, you’re ready. Of course, I’d love to help you get relationship ready! Love to you, Heidi

 

Do you keep getting hurt in your relationship?

by | Apr 27, 2016 | Advice, Dating, Dating Coach, Love, Relationship Coaching, Relationships

You know how it goes. You get hurt, you heal, and then you’re ready to get on the horse again. Except this new horse seems a lot like the old horse and you find yourself losing your farm all over again.

As you know, my mission is to help millions of people learn how to love and be loved. I want everyone to have the love they deserve.
It’s a big mission! and I’ve had some obstacles on that mission. One really BIG one has been the fact that I had an aversion to all things techie.
But my desire to fulfill my mission has set me on a path to learn what I need to know so I can reach more people.

As a result of learning a little more, I figured out how to do a google hang out and post it right here LIVE on my site.

I am so excited! I can’t tell you how proud I was of myself that I actually pulled it off.

I call it Love Class and it’s a live Saturday class where I teach on all things love and relationships.
I want to know what you want to learn. So, please leave a comment for me.
What do you want to see on an upcoming live class?

Below is last week’s class on beliefs. It answers the question “How do I stop getting hurt in my relationships.”
Please watch if  it sounds like you could benefit or share it with someone you know who keeps having the same problems in their relationship over and over.

I love you so much and I hope to see you next Saturday!

Make sure you subscribe above to get updates on upcoming class topics.

Hello Ride or Die: Are you TOO LOYAL?

by | Apr 12, 2016 | Advice, Dating, Dating Coach, Love, Relationship Coaching, Relationships

Is there such a thing as being too loyal?
If you’re reading this blog or watching the video I’m gonna say YES! Because I know one thing for sure. You aren’t happy. Maybe the relationship you’re in is stealing your joy, robbing you of what you believe you truly deserve deep down, and you’re over it. Except one pesky detail. You’re too loyal.
How did you get that way? The same way the rest of do. One of two ways.
1. You grew up in a house where your parents were jerks, but you had to love them anyway. You got rewarded for sticking it out even though mom was driving drunk or dad was cheating with your mom’s best friend. You kept secrets and you saw right past the bad behavior, because that was supposed to be love.
BUT, just because you can love someone even though they are hurting you doesn’t mean you should.

2. You have low self-esteem like I did. I stayed in a relationship for 10 years with a man who said he loved me but slept with other women. In fact, the only time he wanted me was when I was breaking up with him. And I stayed because it was a place I could continually try and prove my value. “Over here, over here, pick me, pick me!” like a 7th grade game of dodge ball when it’s down to me and Smelly Shelly to get picked for teams.

I was hoping that my loyalty would get me chosen. He would see how amazing I was and say, “Wow! Look how loyal this chick is! I pick her.”

Trust me when I tell you that the only “reward” you get for loyalty is the boobie prize.  Congratulations. You put up with bullshit longer than anyone else would. Waaa Waaa Waaa goes the boobie prize trombone.

How long have you been in the crappy relationship? What are you waiting for?
Ride or die only sounds cool in rap songs. In reality, it’s dumb as hell. Go on. Get out of the car.
Please share this video with anyone you know who needs it and as always subscribe for more from love class.
Love you,
​Heidi

How to change people

by | Mar 28, 2016 | Advice, Dating, Dating Coach, Relationship Coaching, Relationships

Can you change someone else?
YES! Or NO! Circle one.
Yes! You can.
But it won’t happen without you doing anything. There are three steps.
Step One: Grab a pen and a piece of paper and write Dear Honey at the top of the page.
Step 2: I want you to get very specific. What would you like to change about them? Think for a minute about all of the things that drive you crazy about them. Now write all of those things down.
Step 3. Cross out Honey, and put your name instead.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You are what bothers you about other people?”
Or how about “What’s missing in your relationship is what you’re withholding?
Let’s look at that list again. Let’s pretend you wrote down:
My partner needs to show more affection.
Now, I want you to ask yourself, “How do I show affection?”

You may think you show affection. But I am going to hedge a bet that you actually withhold it. And I bet it goes something like this, “I showed affection last time. I’m going to wait for them to be affectionate this time.”
“I’ll say I love you when he says I love you”.
You see? You become like a scorekeeper in the affection department and you give or withhold according to whose winning or losing.
Here’s the deal. If you want more affection in your relationship, be more affectionate!
If you want more help. Help more.
If you want more passion, for God’s sake, get sexy!
If you want to feel appreciated, appreciate yourself! Really! Take your gorgeous self down to the grocery store and buy yourself some flowers! Better yet, go to the actual florist!
Want more romance? Draw a hot bubble bath, light the candles and call your partner in to wash your back!
But we don’t do that. Right? We wait for someone else to give us what we desire most. STOP WAITING! Its not going to happen that way! You have to give yourself what you want the most.
And then. Something radical happens. When you start giving, you start getting! That’s right!
You deserve to get your needs met. Go on. Meet them.
I love you,
Heidi

Having a hard time letting things go? be like the apple tree.

by | Feb 18, 2016 | Advice, Dating, Dating Coach, Relationship Coaching, Relationships

Why do you think people have such a hard time letting things go? There are books written about how to let go and sayings like, “Let got and let God.” It sounds so romantic! But still, we struggle. Let’s take a minute and look at the apple tree because it’s the perfect example of how to let something go.
An apple tree is standing tall, admiring it’s fruit and it comes across a rotten apple. What does it do? It simply drops it. It lets it go.
But what if the apple were like us? It would probably stand there and make up a million stories about what may happen if it let’s it go!
“Oh, what if I let it go and it hits a stranger or a small child?”
“What if I let it go and no more fruit comes in its place? I’ll have an empty hole!”
“What if only part of it goes?” If the apple tree were like us, it would never let anything go. It would never bear new fruit.
When I was in my early twenties, I was dating a man who was very bad for me. He was abusive and it was a terribly unhealthy relationship. But I stayed because I told myself a story about what would happen if I left.
“He won’t be able to move on!”
“He will hurt himself!”
“He will follow me and never leave me alone!”
Well, I ignored tat story and I ended the relationship.
Do you know that he didn’t even have the nerve to stalk me? NO! Didn’t even call once. Probably didn’t even know I left!
The stories we tell ourselves about why we can’t let go are the only reason letting go is hard. Stop telling the story and be like the apple tree. Drop the rotten and make room for the new!
Love,
Heidi

Handling rejection, people who play games and self esteem. 

by | Feb 8, 2016 | Advice, Dating, Dating Coach, Relationship Coaching, Relationships

Recently, I sat down with Hillary Raimo and YIN Radio to discuss everything relationships! It’s funny what comes up when you have two hours to lay it all out! The hot topic was our real value.
I had a great time answering some tough questions and I believe there are some nuggets of wisdom for you to take away. And of course, if nothing else, you can see my cute little dogs having a blast in the background! lol
I hope you enjoy!
Was there something that stood out for you?
Leave a comment. And please sign up for our Love Class updates!
Feel free to share this if you know someone needs to hear it!
Love you!
​Heidi